Saturday, February 26, 2005

A very sad day today

The day started pretty good today with us went to visit my cousin Christine, Michael, and my Aunt Hong. My son loves to play with Michael, partly because they are the same age and Michael is a gentle boy. No Kung Fu here. But then we got phone call that my cousin Benny's wife just delivered her baby in the car on the way to the hospital and the baby died. This is come as no surprise because the doctors already warn them that there is something very wrong with this baby. But because my cousin and his wife religion is Catholic they refuse to abort the baby. No matter what they will have the baby, healthy or not. I think they are very brave and they hold their beliefs so strongly.

So we had to go back to my home to pick up my parents then off we go to the crematorium for the cremation of this newborn baby. The mother of the baby was still hospitalized since only that morning she delivered him.

When my son saw the tiny coffin, he whispered to me, " Mama, is that my brother in there? ". I told him no, that his brother is in Canada. Then my son stay quiet again. I was amaze at how well he can grasp the situation. He felt so sad that all he did there was hugging my husband neck while my husband carried him. He did not say a word. Until the time when we were allowed to sprinkle flowers on top of the coffin for the last farewell before he was going to be cremated. Then all of a sudden my son insist on doing it twice. But both time he did not laugh or smile. He was very serious.

When my son asked about if that baby is his brother , there is a reason for that. No, make that 2 reasons. My son is my firstborn child. But then I lost my second and third boys due to Spina Bifida. It's a problem where the baby's spinal do not want to close properly and that caused many problems. And in my case both of my babies are in severe category where they do not have chances to live. So based on that diagnose, we decided to abort both babies. So I admire my cousin's decision, because I know how tough that is to make that decision. And I also understand how painfull is his feeling right now especially.

Based on that, even though I never leave home without bringing my camera I won't take a single picture out of respect for my cousin. But then when I arrived, they beg me to take the pictures because from all the confusion in the hospital, none of my oldest uncle's family remember to bring their camera. When they all saw me, they remember that only me that eccentric enough to carry camera everywhere I go.

This whole thing makes me feel that how much money I spent on my camera are being paid back in full. From almost all of my camera taking experience, this was one that touch me very much. It was akward and I felt pressured. It was a big responsibility. I tried to do my best and I did not dare to mess up.

Another thing that touch me was when John, Christine's husband cried on Benny's shoulder. It was so sad but I can feel their loves and friendship. Before John married to Christine, he was Benny's close friend. And they will be closer now.

We went to have a playdate with Michael, Christina's son. Posted by Hello

My son carefully place his flowers on top of his cousin's coffin. Posted by Hello

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